There have been three Crow movies. The one with Brandon Lee, which I believe is the best so far. The one that took place in The City Of Angels, I don't think even angels would tread on this one (smart angels). The third that never saw a theater, unless you drive by one when coming home from Blockbuster (or where ever you get it). And now a fourth, with a rap back ground? I've heard that some people didn't like Salvation because it wasn't as gothic as the first two. Well, what are these people going to do when Lazarus comes out? Well, I know what I'm going to do. Perhaps, it's more like what I'm not going to do. I most likely won't go see it. I don't think it'll will be worth my eight dollars. And, I'm going to tell you why I don't think it's worth my eight bucks.

I'm going to lay out the reasons why I think Lazarus is going to suck. You may or may not agree. But, if I wanted your opinion, I would have given it to you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, what usually comes out before a movie? The soundtrack, of course. Another question, how many people out there like the Crow soundtracks because they are usually filled with some kick-ass rock? Probably quite a few of you, myself included. I think the Lazarus soundtrack may be a Crow related item I may not pick up. Which is a big first, I'll buy just about anything with The Crow on it. I even bought the hell that was The Crow/Razor. I think I'd only get the Lazarus soundtrack if it had all the enhanced goodies that the Salvation score had. If it doesn't I probably won't get it, because there's only two things I know about rap. One, it usually is only about killing people and having sex with lots of women. And two? See number one.

Now in a movie there is dialogue (John Carpenter's Vampires excluded) and with a rap background, guess what the dialogue will be like? Probably something like Belly or I Got The Hook Up. I had no idea what they were saying in those movies, I'm going to have to bring a friend of mine to translated for me. Funny thing is, he's white. I might even get kicked out of the theater for talking to much.

"Dude, what's 'cheddar' mean?"

"It means 'money.' "

"Oh, OK. Now what does that mean.."

For the whole freaking movie. Might get a tiny bit annoying, just a little bit.

OK, maybe I'm being a little bit biased. I don't like DMX, I don't like his music and don't care to see him act. Though he may be well suited for the job, if the stories in the paper are true, he knows how to use a gun really well. Maybe this movie could be good, perhaps they could get some really good actors for the other roles. I think they should do what they do in the comics, they should give the bird a speaking role. How cool would that be?

Speaking of comics, I think only one thing would make me want to endorse this movie. It would be one little thing that won't involve music or dialogue. A comic book, assuming one would be done for Lazarus. I hope they do, other wise, I may not even care about the movie. Rather I'll just sit home watching The Crow and Salvation on VHS. But, if a comic book is done, and done well, I may just care. Maybe O'Barr himself could do it. I'm a little tired of waiting on the Author's Edition of The Crow, so let's get a Lazarus comic. Though, I'm still waiting on a Salvation one, but seeing as we haven't seen the movie, I'm not sure we'll see a comic book. Maybe Miramax is running the distribution on it,and that's why we haven't seen it yet. Regardless making a good comic book based on the (see Miramax made me angry and got me off topic) would be the only way to get any Lazarus related item in my Crow collection.

Look, I don't like the whole idea of turning The Crow into a rap artist. I just don't. We've had a rock musician and a mechanic, where the hell did they pull rap artist from? Who knows, maybe it will be a wonderful movie, and I'll have to eat my words. Maybe it will open up the story of The Crow to a whole new crowd, and bring new fans in. Imagine that convention, a little bit gothic and rap. Hey, wasn't that a Donny and Marie song?

Ladies and Gentlemen, J. Hawk has left the computer!

-J. Hawk edraven84@hotmail.com